What a feeeeeeling!

Okay you totally caught me off guard this time round, you got me speechless and I don't know if it's real. It's not real, is it? Or if it is, why do I feel that everything that's happening is so... surreal? Okay one two three four it's real... fo' sure. Ok, I am going to start my 2009 happy. Fucken happy. Ok I feel assured now.

xoxo

FUCKING HIGH AND HAPPY. NO ALCOHOL INCLUDED.

I AM A FUCKING GIRL TODAY!!! TAKE THAT, BITCHES! I WORE A FLOWERY TOP! HAHAHAHAHA.

Hao: "WOAH. What happened to you today?!"
Hao's mum: "WAH, wear until so nice ah! Hair still got flower clip!"
Jem: "What the fuck, flower clip. Why you wear until like that!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I DID IT.

First step to Basic Girl Theory and then I'll proceed to Basic Girl Test. If I do fucken well I'd get Pariss treat from the boys and then Final Practical. WOWWWW I feel like a girl today! HAHAHA I know rightttt, I AM a girl but I... don't know. I think I have an invisible lanjiao.

Fuckin' hell, I spilled my green bubble tea (green tea bubble tea, Jasmine green tea in a bubble tea way, get it honey?) and it kinda got into my panty...

Est: "EH fuck, my pussy tio water!"
Lion: "CAN YOU PLEASE BE MORE FEMININE?!"
Est: "WHAT THE FUCK, my pussy there wet!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I know I know I've been trying so hard to become a girl... I will pass my test(s)!

Okay that aside, the boys and I went to town for SHOPPPPPPPPINGGGG. Nb that CB Jem was SO proud of his Asics I'm going to kick HIS ASS! HAHA you wait for my high-cut I'll bloody own you on CNY!

SIZE 5 PLEASE COME... (check out my right shoulder HAHAHA)

I bought a vest and a skirt... Hao was on shopping spree, he bought like 3 bottoms and a shirt. Lion and Jem bought really nothing. Fucken exhausting man, the shopping was like WTFTIRED. The night was still young when we ended our shopping. Hao and I decided we should cycle to Jem's house after we got home and put our stuff...

Est: "Steady k, I know the route. TPY exit."
Hao: "You take the lead."

So from Bishan St. 22 we got our asses on our bikes...

Hao: "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU NBCB, LONG CUT FUCK!"

Est: "SORRY LAH, LONG ROUTE NIA. I KNOW ONE K!"

Both: "HOLY SHIT.........."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA AT LEAST WE DIDN'T GO STRAIGHT TO BARTLEY. WE CYCLED LEFT AND GOT TO SERANGOON AVE. 3. BUT REALLY, GOTTA THANK THE STRANGER WHO TOLD US TO TURN LEFT, TURN RIGHT, RIGHT AND THEN LEFT. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

ONE BIG FUCKING ACHIEVEMENT OK!

FUCKFACE BEHIND ME.

OH THIS IS BEFORE LEAVING, MY NIKE ASS. WOO!

Ok now I'm at Jem's place and he farted twice and I ROFL-ed. Hao is playing PS3 and Saleha just went offline. :(

Where...?

Every time I feel alone
I can blame it on you
And I do, oh
You got me like a loaded gun
Golden sun and the sky so blue, oh
We both know that we want it
But we both know you left me no choice

(Chaque fois que tu ton va)
You just bring me down
(Je pretend que tu va bien)
So I’m counting my tears ‘til I get over you

What kind of mom will you be?

It was just another boring night at home then I decided I should check out my dead Facebook so I came across this quiz and thought like, hey since I'm bored, why not?

I ROFL-ed.

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I AM A WHATTTTT?! A MEMBER OF "MOTHER-I'D-LOVE-TO-FUCK"?!?!?! (You do know what is that, don't you!)

Damn sian you know.

Oh yeah btw, I got killed by this shit on erm, X'mas eve that's why I said I fucked up. Amen.

I don't understand handbags.

Yes, I really don't. I know right, yall must be thinking what the fuck is wrong with me?! I can never imagine myself walking, prancing, hopping around my friends with a bloody handbag. ERR, like I am so free to bother about that stupid thing hanging and dangling around my hands. No way, I like things packed in a bagpack and I CARRY it which means that my hands are actually... hmm, free to shop around or pinch my boys. Or punch whoever who likes to piss me off. Amazing.

This whole girly handbag thing has been bugging me quite terribly because I've yet to find the best slingbag and I have like 21941294132 handbags (you know, the sisters and the mum) flowing out of my closet because they like to stuff it in like that.

And you know I suspect that mum ripped the penis I once had when I was born and fixed me in a set of nice-looking vagina because really, I am a boy. I ACT LIKE 1, I SPEAK LIKE 1, I WALK LIKE 1. And you can add that I even eat like a boy. WAIT - I PEE LIKE A BOY! Like super fast, my pee just splashes out for 3 to approximately 5 seconds and I am done.

Plus I slap on anything I see in my forever-messy-never-will-be-neat wardrobe and off I leave the goddamn house. Think my name should really be Estelle Soh Jin Dao. Instead of Estelle Soh Rui Qi.

2.55 or a Porter collection?

No to 2.55, yes to Porter.

Flats or dunks?

Gojane.com

No to flats, yes to Dunks (or any other sneaks).

Am I a boy or a girl?
(Pics from Lookbook.nu)

I...

don't know...

I fucked up on X'mas eve but it's okay.

I am going to clean up my fucking room before 2009 arrives, dump away all the rubbish and whatnots in my room. I am going to get a haircut and do my nails, then get my ears pierced. Aiming for 7 holes because if you noticed E.S.T.E.L.L.E is of 7 letters. Wow... I do have many holes, don't I? :)

I am going to trim my brows, go for jogs. Start drinking warm drinks and cut down on unhealthy food.

Resolution for 2009?

Be a good girl...

At least... I have dreams.

Wow. LOL.

I'm back.

Ah I had so much on my mind while I was on the hotel bed falling asleep and I think I'd forgotten most about what I wished to type here... but it's alright, most of the thoughts are sad anyway, so why bother? Hmm.

FUCKING GENTING. FUCK YOU.

I feel like punching someone in the stomach right now because my mood is at the lowest point. It's not an everyday affair that my mood's like that, I cannot help it. I don't do moodswings and if I do, I'd try to hide it. But this time round I really feel like punching someone in the stomach and break all of the rib bones.

I cannot believe a trip which I thought would be exciting and pleasant is driving me insane. Sean's not going, Ness is not going, Wendy is not going. I am going to die there. I am. I am probably going insane over there because no one, no fucking one is going to talk to me. I don't talk to my aunts and if we do actually verbally interact with each other, it'd be times when they'd nag and nag and nag at how I should be doing this and not that.

Even if I enter the fucking casino there's no shit I can do there because I'm not even bloody interested in paying my own money to win money. Thank you very much. I really, want, to murder, someone right now. Talk about rollercoaster rides, wow, I actually do feel pretty fucking lonely because why? I'd be the only one whose interested in shitz like that.

Wow. So exciting.

To think I am not going online in about a few hours time and to think I gotta miss talking to Stan and friends, to think I am going to miss my beloved pillows and bolsters, I am going to jump off the fucking cliff.

WOW.

I cannot believe this shit.

WOW.

I really want to punch someone.

/ Edited

I WANT. TO KILL. SOMEONE. 7 hours of... going there and another 7 of coming back...

Annoying bills.

Est: "Eh, guess my FIRST handphone bill."
Est: "3 digits."

Lion: "Err... $251?"

Est: "Nope."

Lion: "Erm... $300?"
Lion: "$400?"

Est: "Nope..."

Lion: "$100 plus?!"

Est: "$___.00 +++!"

Lion: "HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK!"

Est: "Guess my SECOND handphone bill."

Lion: "$500 plus???"

Est: "No. Got improvement leh."

Lion: "$300? $400?"

Est: "$418.00."

Lion: "WHAT THE FUCK! #$@%@&^$^^*(#@!"

Est: "Guess my THIRD handphone bill."

Lion: "$200? $100? $90?!"

Est: "No handphone."

Hao: "LOL!"

Est: "Guess my FORTH handphone bill?"
Est: "$18 per week, jitao straight away prepaid. Knn!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Everyone, please guess the amount of my first handphone bill! No presents though, but it is fun guessing!

My head got balooku.

"OoOoOoOoOo... SIREN, WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE?! OOO, SIREN PLEASE KISS ME. OOO, SIREN STOP IT. OO SIREN, LET ME HUG YOU. OO, STOP IT, NAUGHTY SIREN! DAMMMMNNN CUTE OMG, SIREN YOU ARE DAMN CU..."

BAM.

Siren pushed me back and...

my head knocked on to the door behind.

As loud as thunder, as pain as hell.

I repeat - as loud as thunder, as pain as hell.

/ Edited 12.52 a.m


FINALLY, FINALLY, FINALLY CLEANED UP MY RP MAIL! HAHAHAHAHA. STOP SENDING ME! I WON'T READ!

Sports Meet.

I am in the Eden after rounds and rounds of tennis and swimming! What a healthy lifestyle, yay! HAHAHA be right back! :)

Akon Air Con.

This song is sooooooooooooooo good that it's up in my head 24/7. The boys are getting irritated by my 'RIGHT NOW NA NA NA NA~' but really, I don't give a fuck. HAHAHAHAHAHA. RIGHT NOW NA NA NA NA, I WANNA MAKE UP RIGHT NA NA NA NA NA~

You make me so hot.

It was a fucked up lovelife back when I was 14 to 15. It could've lasted longer without the cuts and bruises. Sometimes, knives and threats. It was horrible, those memories never leave my head. But I could tell people about this chapter of my life because there's nothing that I am hiding. Then another one started from 15 to 17... I had no fear but it was when my love was fucking taken for granted. Held on strong till he shook me away. Haha, call me a retard but I was so blinded by love.

I used to fight for what I thought was right and there was no fear in me. I used to be such a brave girl, to believe that I could go against all odds with the person whom I fell for. I thought there was forever and ever, I thought there was happily ever after.

It was hurtful and it's still hurting.

Now, I could just continue liking someone forever... without the partner's feelings reciprocated. Because I am afraid.

Anyway enough of all those emotional crap I think I'm back on track! Today was a basketball day with my boys at the park. Just like any random days where we'd do sports and hang out at Hao's place.

Bishan \m/

We likey balls.

Had to wear mum's 'cos I lost mine 450 years ago.

Someone please stop me from biting my nails...

The reason why the boys find me irritating because I adore torturing them, seeing their lil sad fuckfaces moan in pain. HAHAHAHAHAHA, justtttttttttt kidding! I was cooking, me, yes, me, cooking noodles for them and then I used the bloody hot chopsticks and poked Lion.

1 word.

SHIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK.

Tennis or Sean's place tomorrow! Can't wait.

Almost.

It's 4.04 a.m... and I still can't sleep. I am actually fucking tired but something's on my mind. Something and someone... Sigh.

Very fuckin' random happenings.

Complain #1: I hate how my mum is always feigning ignorance to my words and thoughts and then putting her energy into speaking to Wendy or anyone else. But then again, would the things I say matter at all? It's not jealousy. No, trust me, it's not.

Complain #2: 9 more days to BBQ :(

Complain #3: My short-term memory is not a joke anymore.

You know I actually thought today was a Saturday! The conversation went like this...

Est: "Woah eh, tomorrow is Sunday huh."
Hao: "... *pauses for a moment* ... today's a Sunday."
Est: "HUH OMG, TODAY IS SUNDAY?! Then what was I doing yesterday?!"
Hao: "We went to do some flag day charity work and Counter Strike..."
Est: "OMG OMG. THEN WHEN DID I MEET MY DAD FOR DINNER?!"
Hao: "That wuz on Friday."
Est: "WHICH REMINDS ME... Friday was the last day I saw Stanley!"
Hao: "..."
Est: "OMGOMG. SO TOMORROW IS MONDAY?! HAHAHAHA."

Complain #4: I tripped.


Right around here when Lion, Hao and I were laughing our balls off about some bloody retarded joke. Hao was warning me that if I ever tripped, he's going remember it for his entirely dog life. I was still laughing and laughing until... yes, I tripped.

Complain #5:

Hao stinked.

Complain #6: All I wanted to do was to freak the guys out with the almighty umbrella because the fresh raindrops on it would wet their shirts and faces BUTTTTTTTTTT I swung it back too hard that...

I kinda broke it?

LOLLOLLOL! SORRY AH!

WTF.

Deepest sympathies to the Burberry-inspired umbrella...

Complain #7: A phone call in the morning was enough to make me happy. Heh heh. But I had to sit in the pouring rain to support friends on this friendly match but it got screwed up at the end of the day...

Pouring like shitz.

Getting all pumped up!

During the game...

Result? 8:1.

A WIN! :D

Complain #8: They say pointing at a full moon would get your ears hurt or something. And that's the reason why I still do not dare to point at it...


But it was beautiful...

Complain #9: LOLWTF?

Do something about it already!

Complain #10: It was 9th of December... I smashed the birthday cake on her face but ended up having the MOST chocolate cream all over my head. I ran to a place only to know that it was a dead end and BAM, the cake flew to my hair. Result? My hair was smelling like... yes, chocolate cream.

LOL.

They had to help me wash my hair.

-_-

C.H.U.I.

Oh my god!!! I have been feeling so fucking sleepy for past 1 week! And it's like those veryyyyyyy jia lat kinda sleepy (I know, my English is becoming atrocious)! I haven't had a proper FULL meal since God knows when... I am losing my appetite and all my cravings for pizza, sushi, chicken wings and never ending list of food subsides to the minimum, or to zero.

And just today 3 of my friends asked what was wrong with me because I looked so horrible. My eyebags are horrible, I've got sore eyes and and and I've got no mood to talk... thanks for the concern people, I am fine...

I WILL BE FINE! :)

I hope! Hehe.

Math Module.

JIBAI FUCK YOU. Make me dulan only nb!

/ Edited 3.26 p.m


Above picture kinda depicts how my stomach has been ever since Sem 1. It just never stops churning in the morning and it stops in the afternoon. It's painful and very sad 'cos I can feel that my a-hole is about to burst with shitloads of shit.



Recently for about a week or 2 my stomach churns like that. This churn, has noises and then it slowly fades away. My classmates can hear it and it's funny. Not much shit... but it's uncomfortable.

P.S: Black churn is louder than red churn.

Like.

There are a lot of possibilities in the world, that could happen. And it will affect me in 3 either ways... possibilities that would fuck me up and make me sad, possibilities that would make me extremely happy and lastly, possibilities that are still okay, borderline at just about everything.

And other than possibilities, I have insecurities.

After a failed relationship about half a year ago I lost all my trust and confidence. Broke down like a little girl I swear I'd never fall in love again (for about 10 minutes). But I never thought I would... I would... sigh.

I don't know what to do.

Peace.

I am beat!

Am making a birthday card for a princess and my back is aching AND my stomach just grumbled. Tell me it's not hunger because there's no food anywhere in the house. :(

It's 2.18 a.m and almost everyone's asleep.

I made a mess out of my room because of the things I had to cut and paste on the birthday card... I just gave my dog one of my t-shirts so that she wouldn't feel cold in the freezin' December. I... miss that Puki. I hope I am happy.

I don't know what this post is about... Hahaha I'm going crazy hahahaha 'cos I'm damn tired but I can't sleep.

Oh I miss my grandma... more than anything else in the world. It's so weird to know that she's not around anymore... just... a month ago. It's the 30th day and I am still emotionally struggling with her death. It's not as bad as the first few days but I am still in disbelief that she's gone.

I cannot, cannot, cannot forget the day she was on her hospital bed. Her body so still, so cold and she wasn't moving, wasn't at all... it was 5.48 in the morning. Her face... vividly stays in my mind. The greatest woman left. What am I left with now?

She left a golden necklace for me and I know she loves me very much. I hate how young I was back then... too young to know anything. Too young to know that grandma's sick and that I had to go to her place and visit her. Too young to learn that if she's gone she'll never be back.

I think I live with regrets now but I'll make it up for her. I'll love her forever and I'll never forget someone so dear to me... never...

I miss you Nainai.

:(

Lucky so cute.

Punch your face.

100 种生活

Such a brilliant song. :)

/ Edited 4.53 p.m

Lucky damn cute, ignore the guy.

/ Edited 8.31 p.m

Tell me how do I bare to leave the school when friendships are solidified like how breasts need nipples? :(

It kinda just strucked me how I'm going to miss Aisha, Adela, Hao, WX, Sean, Lionel, Siew Huay, W35E, W15R and W16Q when I'm outta school... Like I'm going to a place, somewhere far. I wouldn't be able to just walk a flight of stairs up to 16Q to play NFS. I won't be able to see Aisha and Adela for breakfast. I won't be able to leave school for home with Hao. I won't be able to see WX. I won't be able to let Stanley pinch me. I won't be able to go for talks. I won't be able to sit in Lionel's car anymore. I won't be able to spend quality time with them if I am in NAFA...

Oh my god.

Tell me how...

If I could kill my stomach.

My stomach is churning and why is my heart aching like a pro, thank you very much. I am suffering in class and I only spent a mere 19 minutes on the UT because my stomach tak boleh tahan and it's churning and spinning and swirling and stabbing me and punching me in the stomach walls.

estelle says:
why must i be a girl hor

estelle says:
sian

estelle says:
my cramps like nb

Stanley says:
LOL

estelle says:
got boobs, got menses, need to give birth, menopause

Wait... I don't know if it's my period because it's churning!!! It's not supposed to be bloody churning and spinning and all sorts. It's supposed to be just cramps.

WHY MUST I HAVE 2 BURDENS IN FRONT OF ME?! AND BELOW ME?! AND ANOTHER BURDEN WHEN I'M PREGNANT?! WHY!

Like my wife. EDITED!

Aisha's just like my wife... who knows me well and sometimes can't give a fuck about me 'cos I am annoying like that. MUAHAHA. Ok, I love you Sha.

1

2

3

4

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5

See you again soon baby! :)

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C H A N G I N G / M O O D...

-
-
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If you want people to treat you like you're the only atas princess in the world, don't fuck things up and don't fuck people's hearts then maybe I'll be a little nicer to you. I am not on your side because of your bloody obnoxious doings and how incredibly inconsiderate you are. And no, I only see who is wrong and who is right. I don't care if you have all sorts of blood relations with me. The whole world's not yours and you can't make everyone like you so stop trying and stop avoiding all the harsh pinches in life you face.

XOXO,
your sis.

/ Edited 11.41 p.m


I got back home around late 9 plus and all I wanted was a good shower because the weather's a motherfucker and you feel all sticky and gross. Mister Sun, tell me why are you so fucked up.

Okay so after school was an evening of soccer watching because the 16Q boys were playing in the court. I was some sorta mascot or commentator or supporter, you pick one or all. Stanley is my new friend and he nearly got rammed by a full speed spinnin' ball haha.

My jaws almost dropped and his heart could have fell off his body because he was soooo freaked out.

Stanley's Oakley Silly.
(And there you can see Lionel... hehe.)

I don't understand soccer.
(And and and here you can see Lionel, Hao and some other people...)

So I had all the time thinking about the little little things that happened in the huge court...

• It's ironic how some people smoke in a court, waiting to EXERCISE AND KEEP FIT.
• If you are fat, you get mocked at.
• If you're good, they get jealous.
• The hostel's pretty damn gorgeous. They having balconies!
• If you play rough, you'd be condemned like, forever.
• I'll kick your balls if the ball hits me.
• I hate soccer boys with men-boobs and flaccid penises.

OK BYE!